I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
