Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
