I love black thongs
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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