I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
