I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
