it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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