Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
