i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
