Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
