a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
