I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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