i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
