if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
