he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
