Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
