I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
