Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.

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(713): View more from Texas

My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap

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(415): View more from California

Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."

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(210): View more from Texas

IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

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(951): View more from California

AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!

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(914): View more from New York

The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now

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