I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
