she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
