so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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