My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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