am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
