No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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