I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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