u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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