Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
