Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
