i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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