Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
