Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
