He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
