no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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