you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
