i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
