what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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