he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
