First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So squirting runs in the family.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
