something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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