sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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