Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
