she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
