you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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