I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
did i just pee glitter
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
