My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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