my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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