Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just google imaged poop.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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