the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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