you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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