So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
