While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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