i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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