billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
