why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I did not marry a roomba.
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