And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
