Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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