I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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