i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
