The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
