the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
