wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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