ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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