I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
