I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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