think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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