you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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