Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
