Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
