I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
