like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
