matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
