at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Boobs speak an international language.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
